dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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