508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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