i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Blood and glitter go together right?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
