i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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