the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
