so let's talk penis.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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