dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
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Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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