You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
