i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
