butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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