Princesses don't give blow jobs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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