I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
