I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
be right there i have to get my cape
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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