Swine flu. Run for my life!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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