I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
When are your genitals available?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
