Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
