We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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