What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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