so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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