i think my tv is drunk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
