Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
