Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
is it fun? or sober?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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