I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
