yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize