Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
