If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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