the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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