worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
