turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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