did you get engaged???
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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