he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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