I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
