They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
