i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
