2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
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