i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
