I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bet he comes in French.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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