He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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