I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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