Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
