I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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