It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
