Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
