Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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