I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
