how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
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How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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