i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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