Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She's the barista slut.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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