I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
