just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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