why do cheetos always look like penises
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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