U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize