so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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