you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
