I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
