he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
