guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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