If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
