1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
