what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
