take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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