I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
