her vagine was all disorganized.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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