I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
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I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize