dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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